I was at that age when boys, and men were becoming interesting to me, in a sexual way, and sitting here on the edge of my bed seeing my brothers penis in its full glory, excited me, and I wet my panties, not with pee, but with sex juice.My brother was a bit of an exhibitionist, he was in love with his own shadow, using weights and all that gym stuff to develop muscle.I laugh now thinking back, the only muscle girls are interested in is the one between his legs. We used to call it their 'Light. Carrie's notusually the church type, but she came happily enough when she saw me in mySunday best.I feel resolved. I didn't get some big supernatural message, not like thecalling I got to go on mission. But I felt good, I felt right, praying toGod as a woman. And I realized - I guess that I shouldn't worry aboutit. If I can face my God joyfully this way, then why shouldn't I face therest of my life, too? I've been afraid to stay this way, without any goodreason but with this irrational. "Now that was an ugly conversation, but my mother went on as if it wasn'tthe strangest thing in the world to give hygiene lessons about periods toher son! True to her word, she and I went out the next morning to buy mepanties and a few more bras, some slips and assorted other lingerieitems, then a few skirts and blouses plus three new dresses of my own andsome more shoes. Then it was on to planet salon, the place that turnsquestionable looking women into dolls. I would fit right in. Mom. Billy took her hands. ‘Because,’ he answered. ‘Look at me Daise!’ he begged her, and when she did, he smiled. ‘I chose that song deliberately,’ he confessed. ‘It’s only what I’ve wanted to do with you since junior year in high school. But you were so cold and aloof, I didn’t dare try. And you ignored me. I might as well have been the fire hydrant you threw your bookbag on every morning while you waited for the bus.’ He laughed at the startled expression on her face. ‘I can tell you exactly.
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